Emotional Disaster

I'm a wreck. It's probably because I'm 12 weeks pregnant but it's weird for me. I'm typically a pretty stable person emotionally. I've been sick for 6 weeks now, and it's getting old. I've gained 10 lbs which is more than both of the kids at this point, and that's a little scary considering I topped the scales at 200 with Joey. I'm the most sick I've ever been with the pregnancy. I get dizzy easily, sweat easily and I gag at the thought of anything I've consumed in the last week. I've never had to take off work for a pregnancy but I'm so dizzy in the morning I can barely move. I have so many praying for me, so I have hopes this will pass.

So about my emotions.... for example, look at this little dare devil. He's nuts. I can't decide to cry because he's unbelievably independent or he's going to kill himself from jumping off the highest point at the park. Maybe I should cry because he's such a perfect little boy. He's tough as nails but he's the biggest lover. His smile is crazy contagious. Oh, I know why I should cry. I don't get to spend enough time with him because Little Joey doesn't leave my side so Ray Ray is attached to Big Joey. I'm lucky, that's why I will cry. Two beautiful boys that are so different. Curly hair, stick straight hair. Brown eyes, blue eyes. 100% in everthing, 50% in everything. Dependent, independent. Introvert, extravert. I just ordered the book Nurture by Nature. I'll probably cry when I read that.

Most parents cry because fall rolls around and their kids go to school. Most parents cry because their kids are so happy and they are growing up. I cry because Joey doesn't like school and doesn't like leaving home. I cry because I'm worried about his social skills. I prayed so hard for Joey to get through the first half day of preschool. He did. God is good, so that's why I cried.

My best friend, Alli West, came all the way from LA for a wedding and she was able to stay with us. We go back 25 years ago, whoooooa. I think we used to say "Same father, different mother"
growing up. That is how much we are alike. The boys fell in love with her, and they are still searching the house for her. She was the perfect person to come stay with me when I was sick. I didn't have to talk, she knew. I didn't have to do anything, she did it for me. I didn't have to explain myself, she already knew and has never been pregnant. We are lucky to see each other once a year, and she is my sister forever. I'm crying while I'm writing this. God put her in my life 25 years ago. God knew.

Ray Ray will soon be a middle child. I worry about this. I worry about him getting lost in the mix. I will probably cry my whole life worrying that he didn't get enough attention.

I deserve that double chin. Look what I do. I'm not even sharing a family size bag of Doritos. WE EACH HAVE OUR OWN. I will cry as that scale goes up every day. I will cry because I worked so hard to get in shape after Ray. I will cry because I have 8 weeks to get in bikini shape after #3. Don't feel bad for me. I AM EATING DORITOS!! Just let me cry.

2 Funny Things

1. I'm in the car with Joey and Ray. I pass my 10 week ultrasound pics back to Joey.

Mommy: Look at these pictures of the new baby.
Joey: Awwwwwww, these are beautiful.

Then Joey tries to throw them out the window.

Mommy: Joey, DO NOT throw those out of the window.
Joey: Joey don't like the new baby.

HA!

2. I'm exhausted, sicker than a dog and the heat is killing me. Joey doesn't go anywhere without Buzz Lightyear and Woody. Today, Joey was refusing to take a nap. So I said, "Joey if you don't go to bed right now I am going to take away your Buddy and Wooze." Joey laughed for 5 minutes repeating "Buddy and Wooze, oh Mom."

Matis, Party of 5.

That's right folks. We are expecting in March. These pictures will continue to get harder and harder to take. #3 has the same due date as Ray, but this pregnancy is not even close to what Ray's pregnancy was like. Ray was a breeze, and I can barely get out of bed with this one. Luckily I have the most amazing husband who has delivered me breakfast in bed for over 3 weeks. Please pray for a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby and love and support from family and friends. Oh, and pray for the scientist who invented Zofran- looooove them!

What were you taught?

For some reason these last few weeks had me thinking about what my parents taught me. It makes me think what I want to instill in my kiddos. I just went on a family vacation with the entire Matis crew and I found myself watching all of the cousins interact with each other. Some of the most obvious values the Matis' carry are family first, the more the merrier and doing something to make a memory. At the end of the day these matter.

I found myself talking about what my parents have taught Brooke, Beau and myself. I am so blessed to have these values and characteristics instilled in me. People may think they seem crazy or paranoid at times, but truthfully they make me happy.

These things I do are religious. I rarely ever forget these. Let me know what you think.

1. When I get out of car someone elsing was driving, I say "thank you." I remember growing up in our Toyota Previa and before sliding the silver bullet's door shut Dad would say "what are you supposed to say?"

2. When I sit at a table the napkin goes straight in my lap. When I address a waitress, it is ALWAYS "Miss."

3. I was never allowed to say F-A-R-T or S-U-C-K, and I still spell them to adults.

4. I rarely leave the house without lipgloss and mascara.

5. Instead of saying "It's nice to meet you," I was taught to say "It's nice to know you."

6. I always lock all of the doors to my house when I leave and go to bed and there are a handful of days in my life that I have lived without an alarm on the house (minus dorm life).

7. I was taught to lock my doors the second I got off of Market Street (even though Grandpa and 3 of my uncles worked right there).

8. I was taught to pass to the right and keep the salt and pepper married.

9. I don't walk by myself at night, and I always have my car key coming through my fingers in a parking garage in case I need to punch someone.

10. I have my bills organized and I have never paid a bill late.

11. I pay with cash.

12. I don't drive on E.

13. I set my clothes out the night before, and I pack my diaper bag too.

14. I have had an agenda book since 6th grade.

15. I face the door in a restaurant, so I will be the first to see if something goes down.

16. I wash my hands after I touch menus.

17. I put antibiotic and a bandaid on all boo boos.

18. I don't go to bed with a messy house, and we never run out of food.

19. I never go to bed without brushing my teeth and washing my face.

20. Before I left the house my Dad would say "Don't drive too fast and don't get too close to the car in front of you." So I don't.

21. I shower before bed and after yard work, and I don't sit in my bathing suit.

22. I rarely gamble on anything, but when making a deal or greeting I have the firmest hand shake there is.

23. I rarely miss a day of working out.

24. I DO NOT screw with my sleep.

25. When dieting I was told to only eat something if it came from the ground or if it had a mom.

26. I pray every night before bed.

27. I don't bite my nails and I try not to pick.

28. I don't sit on strange toilets.

29. I dance at weddings because it's socially the right thing to do (and because I love it).

30. I finish something before I start a new.

31. I plan. I plan for EVERYTHING. People who don't plan usually don't like me.

32. I talk to my sister and my 5 best friends at least once a week but it's more like once a day. My parents always said my life long friends I could count with one hand. I understand now.

33. If a stranger approaches me, I make it short and sweet and walk the opposite direction as them.

34. If I don't want to talk bad about something I simply respond with "that's interesting."

33. I understand I'm blessed and I was given a hell of a deck of cards. I think about this every day and I thank God every night. I know I am lucky.